Sexualization of desirable behaviors

(by multiple authors, DreamLover Laboratories)

Towards a higher standard of sexual influence

Woman's sexual power over man is absolute. However, only few can skillfully harness it.

Presenting or implying the possibility of intercourse will of course mobilize a male to behave in a certain manner - and withholding such intercourse is both key to prolonging his interest and useful in punishing negative behavior. But this simple sex/no sex control strategy - usually learned very early on during puberty - has very limited effectiveness for these reasons:

  • When the male is aroused and actively anticipating sex as the ultimate target, he usually cannot focus properly on other required tasks
  • Motivation drops dramatically after sex, temporarily nullifying your power
  • Associating yourself with sex in this manner objectifies you, and it encourages the male to see you as a tool for achieving orgasm

Sexual control ought to be exerted more indirectly, by channeling the male's sexual energy into your favorite behaviors, until those behaviors themselves are eroticized.

Just like intercourse itself can be desexualized by dissociating it from arousal, any action can be progressively sexualized by introducing consistent sexual arousal as the action is being carried out.

Preparations - introducing chastity

The effectiveness of any male training technique depends greatly on the male's investment, which in turn depends on his degree of sexual appetite. Most prior male training articles have focused on the importance of male chastity and how to properly harness it. However, the topic of introducing male chastity has not been covered in detail. Many women initially fear that their partner will be very much against anything that will restrict his ability to have an orgasm. However, very few males actually oppose resistance to the idea of chastity. If introduced playfully and with complicity, as something kinky to explore, most males will actually show interest. Generally, males like the idea of experimenting with their penis and trying out new sexual things for the sake of achieving a better sexual experience.

Things will however change later in the game, when the male realizes that you are serious about his chastity and there will be no release to the mounting sexual charge. By that time, you will hopefully have negotiated a dare.

The dare

When dealing with untrained males just getting started with chastity, it is important to set a serious time based chastity goal. You should challenge your male to go without an orgasm for at least 7-12 days. Introduce this idea playfully but make sure he understands he will be evaluated based on his ability to resist.

There is a very important and sensitive period between the time the male realizes that this is serious (usually 2-4 days), and the time his level of sexual appetite can be harnessed to apply training techniques (7-12 days).

If you can introduce chastity as a playfully kinky concept, and use the "dare" to ensure your male gets through to day 6 or 7, you have worked your male up to his Maximum Courtship Investment level. Congratulations! Obtaining his complicity in his training will be easy at this point, and you will be able to apply a range of techniques and observe their result.

Dare tips

With macho types, introduce your challenge as a male vs female competitive dare. "Guys think with their penis - I bet you could never go for 2 weeks without an orgasm" ... "you will be begging me before 2 weeks are over" ... it is important for the male to put his pride behind the dare and this will serve as a deterrent, should he try to change his mind along the way. If necessary, pledge to abstain from shopping for 2 weeks and "see who gives up first".

Another powerful motivator can be used if your male's sexual performance is less than awesome, or if he is particularly sensitive to this topic, or if nothing else works. Complain about his performance in bed - possibly subtly in the beginning, and taking the time to escalate your complaint week by week. If you are not having a lot of sex, chances are your male is masturbating. Start calling him "jerkoff boy" or in ways diminishing of his virility. Do not overdo it - you will want to leave open a small window of redemption, and offer him to try a 2 week no orgasm period to verify whether he can perform to your satisfaction and prove he is a "real man" after all. Note: it is of no relevance whether the two of you have enjoyed fantastic sex up to this point - a challenge to a male's sexual ability is always taken seriously and your male can be particularly eager to prove that a good trait hasn't been lost.

An alternative method consists in revealing that your ex lover experienced full body shattering orgasms by observing such a period of chastity - and making this sound like a pretty cool and new age thing to do, along the lines of Kama Sutra. The prospect of a very, very good orgasm should be sufficient to motivate your partner. And besides, he wouldn't want to be sexually inferior to your ex in any way - he may even pledge to do 3 weeks just to surpass him...

Sexualizing behaviors

There are three main methods of sexualizing a desired behavior:

  • psychological: create a feeling of complicity, kink and challenge (the "dare" is an example of psychological sexualization)
  • visual: associate visual sexual stimuli with the behavior (in naturally submissive males lower extremities and footwear sexualization is very common, and the sight of these triggers arousal and a willingness to defer to females which is a worthwhile male training target in its own right)
  • direct stimulation: accompany desired behaviors with actual physical stimulation (more below)

Sexualizing a particular behavior is not something that can be achieved overnight. It is, however, the real key to obtaining willful compliance and channeling all of the male's sexual energies into pleasing you.

The brainwashing handjob

In this technique sexualization is carried out by means of direct stimulation and arousal.

You are to first choose a point of mild disagreement between you and your partner. Successively, you must begin teasing and stimulating him physically with the purpose of arousing him to an intoxicating level. Although he may decide it's time for intercourse, you are not to allow him to change his position. Take the lead and put him in a situation where he will be passively enjoying your touch. Your wearing clothes will be beneficial here.

As you bring him close to orgasm, you should bring up the point of disagreement, and discuss it with him. You will be restating your case and seeking to convince him - only this time, any disagreement he may voice will result in a momentary interruption of the pleasurable attention he is receiving. You should choose a topic that is not too important, initially, because you want him to give a lot more importance to the orgasm he thinks is coming than to the point of disagreement. The initial chastity period will make it all quite easy. Promise him he will be allowed to orgasm if he gives in, but only if this is necessary.

The important point in this technique is to gradually associate "giving in" with the pleasurable arousal he is experiencing. The brainwashing handjob technique should be used over and over. If you can convince your male to go back into his chastity device without the orgasm you have promised him, great - your male is already quite teachable! Alternatively, you could allow him to achieve an orgasm if and only if he can keep on repeating specific words to you, by which he admits his wrong and gives in to your requests, until he ejaculates. Use your imagination.

As this "brainwashing handjob" (BH) becomes an integral part of your sex life, you should increase your requests and raise the bar for obtaining stimulation. At the height of his arousal, obtain a pledge to do something substantial, such as doing the dishes on a regular basis. At the same time, you should gradually require a more submissive position - perhaps requesting him to wear a blindfold as the BH is taking place.

This process must be gradual. It is better to go too slow than to go too fast and risk getting into a situation where the male won't comply under any amount of stimulation. Initially pride will be in the way - it is essential that the male be allowed to slowly become accustomed to giving in. If your male "stops playing along" you've gone too fast and need to back up. Do not keep insisting on a specific point. Rather, increase arousal and try again.

There is no limit to what you can have a male agree to in order to achieve an orgasm, when he is almost there and desperately seeking release. And, there is no limit to how passive you can require his behavior to be in order to continue - as long as you pay attention to doing this very gradually. Provided you don't jump ahead too quickly, you are eventually free to go wild, and even subject him to some degree of humiliation in order to earn his release.

This does not mean that he is going to follow through with his pre-ejaculatory promises every time. But fear not - these moments will be very much sexually charged for him, and any behavior repeated over and over under these circumstances will be thoroughly sexualized.

Whether you wish to sexualize a general stance of deference towards you, or more concrete behaviors such as throwing out the trash, does not matter - all that matters is that these behaviors be carried out under a state of intense arousal.

Revoking stimulation

When you begin observing a good degree of willful participation and frequent displays of submissiveness during BH, the behaviors should already be sexualized and you can begin gradually withdrawing the stimulation itself. Initially, you will request that tasks be carried out by simply fondling the male's genitalia, without actually bringing him close to orgasm.

Eventually, you will be able to simply ask for the programmed tasks to be carried out, and these tasks will carry the complicity and arousal experienced throughout the BH sessions. Evidently, the male's first chastity experience must be repeated at all costs and become an on-going commitment - this will allow you to continue to make progress with this technique.

Complete sexualization

Throughout the course of several months it is possible to sexualize some behaviors in the mind of a male to such an extent that he will spontaneously carry them out to obtain arousal. When he does so, he will strive to find coherence. He will likely expect a confirmation that these things are still very much sexual. He will want to display the behaviors in much the same way an untrained male tries to give his best during penetrative intercourse. Do give this confirmation and use the same praise words you anchored in his sexual subconscious, through repetition, during your BH sessions.

Desexualization of Intercourse

As you are progressively sexualizing behaviors and mannerisms that are typical of the proudly subservient trained male, you may want to also desexualize regular intercourse and other prior, strong sexual anchors. Desexualization of Intercourse is not mandatory but has many benefits to a male's psyche and it allows the male's sexual fantasies and energy to be properly reassigned to carrying out your wishes.


You now have sufficient knowledge to:

  • Introduce your partner to chastity
  • Obtain his acceptance as a dare to get him through to day 7-12
  • Progressively sexualize any desired behavior

Though this may seem like a lot of work, remember that the assumption here is that we are starting with a completely non-compliant, untrained male. Plenty of men out there are already service oriented and wishing to enter a Female Led relationship - though they may still require quite a bit of training to bring their aspirations into their everyday life.

Additionally, sexualizing positive behaviors will eventually become your second nature and your primary way of sexually controlling a male, just like the sex/no sex paradigm is pretty much ingrained and natural to most women who have yet to discover a better way.

No one ever said male training was simple. It is - however - a lot simpler and more effective than endless on-going conflicts and a hopeless search for an ideal mate "out in the wild". DreamLover Laboratories is dedicated to bringing products to the market which will soon automate many aspects of male training.

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