What are you staring at?

(by Tomomi Kumakura, PhD)

The "What are you staring at?" principle

There are two psychologically distinct ways in which males can perceive a woman's beauty: two different self-images that can be reinforced by it. The first psychological stance is that of the predator. In this case, the male's arousal is accompanied by what I call "active lust" which can be summed up as a wish to dominate the female and make her his through copulation. The second possible stance that males can have is however a lot more interesting for our purposes, and it consists in the same intense arousal associated with a sensation of worshipfulness, reverence, adoration; sometimes even awe. I call this "passive lust". A man in passive lust wishes for satisfaction of his sexual urges in such a way that the woman must become the actor, and he the thing which is acted upon. "Do you know what I would do to you?" is a question a male in active lust may ask. Another one is "What can I do you for?" But a male in passive lust would ask "What would you do to me?" - and it turns out that is easily turned into "What can I do for you".

I think we can all look back at different kinds of pursuers, and place their arousal in one category or the other, and there seems to be little space in between these mutually exclusive opposites. The "worshipful trance" of the drooling, seduced male is a desired state in which willful compliance can be obtained; in fact, the ease of training of most naturally compliant males derives from the psychological position of weakness they perceive when exposed to feminine beauty. This feeling of vulnerability, if it occurs before or during puberty, becomes enshrined in the neural circuitry responsible for sexual preferences, and we sometimes obtain a "perfectly compliant" submissive who has internalized his subservience as one of his primary self-assigned goals, making many of the most difficult male training techniques unnecessary. This sort of male is "locked into" the passive lust modality, which makes our seduction job very easy, as he needs no identity reframing. His identity is already framed correctly: he sees himself as being naturally inferior to an attractive female. This can be detected by the fact that most of the things he does - however hard he may try to conceal it - are ultimately directed at impressing the female, or elevating himself from his position of acknowledged inferiority to a level at which we may want to talk with him.

The "what are you staring at?" principle aims at recreating the conditions by which naturally teachable males internalize their position of inferiority, in such a way that acts of subservience for the most part cause no cognitive dissonance.

To accomplish this, we are to ensure that arousal occurs, either predominantly or in salient and memorable episodes, in association with the perception of authority, and possibly even a sort of fear. The timid teenager - the "naturally compliant male in the making" - usually goes through a series of experiences during childhood which define his sexual self-image. Perhaps being cruelly rejected by an attractive classmate, and spending the next few years masturbating over her. Or being overpowered in public by a female (either physically or in an argument), a typically strong psychological stimulus where intense humiliation becomes interlinked with sexual attraction in an irreversible way. Either way certain experiences will give rise to the psychology of submissiveness: Woman's beauty will become closely associated with power, and the appreciation of this beauty will naturally take the form of adulation, praise, favors, obedience - anything that will win the favors of the stronger party.

The "Golden Moment"

I want you to be aware of the "golden moment" and learn to detect it and then cause it to happen. The "golden moment" is a temporary state of confusion within the male, in which arousal and the violation of his pride interact in confusing ways. During this moment, the male will not know how to respond. One side of his character will want to win (the argument, situation) and come out with his masculinity intact; the other side, however, is stupefied and dazed by feminine power - and sort of likes the arousing effect it's having on him.

Let us remember that evolutionarily males held power over things and women held power over males through their sexuality. But a powerful woman, unlike the standard mold of either of the genders, has a completely independent essence. Therefore, a powerful and attractive woman can have a double aphrodisiac effect, being the closest thing to an embodiment of power itself. For this "femme fatale" characters enjoy ever increasing popularity in movies and TV, and audiences are inevitably enthralled by the mechanisms I have just described.

No matter what the outcome of this "golden moment" of confusion is; if you can create it, you have succeeded in creating an episode of passive lust, and allowed the male to experience the intoxicating blend of arousal and reverence which is key to defining his role in the relationship.

The fact that feminine beauty is something worthy of fear has of course been known since time immemorial, hence the drastic measures taken by some religions to neutralize this weapon, by hiding the feminine charms from view.

I, of course, employ these principles in my daily life with my husband. He does, like any well trained male, observe a good chastity regimen which has worked wonders on his manners and conduct. However, I do not wish to deprive him of all sexual stimuli. Rather, I wish to make the most of his condition of need. He is allowed plenty of ways to demonstrate his lust - however, his doing so will result in severe punishment.

My goal is not that of completely repressing his sexuality - after all sexuality is a part of a male that's good to own and an important part of the inborn traits that allow him to respond to training.

The goal is associating arousal to at least a moderate/healthy level dependence and fear, by ensuring he is both very tempted but very cautious, about acting out his urges. That is why I don't particularly pay attention to fully covering my breast in his presence. I may neglect buttoning my shirt if it's hot, or come out of the shower wearing only a towel. I casually wear semi-transparent shirts in the home, or very tight garments. It is his responsibility to demonstrate a basic level of respect and reverence by never laying eyes on my body (or that of any other female). He is taught that however mild my other punishments may be, the one thing he must never ever do is stare at my body. That includes legs when he hasn't earned that privilege by making me happy.

Infractions aren't hard to detect. He already understands that "down" is the only direction he's allowed to look when in the presence of any female, and that initiating eye contact with one is considered a sign of disrespect and punished as a serious infraction.

With this policy laid out, I found that any other behavior naturally gets corrected, even without targeted action on my part. As for complying with this policy, that is often very hard for a male to do especially if he is undergoing prolonged periods of chastity and his testosterone levels are sort of high. But fortunately these rules do not require compliance in order to be effective; in fact, unlike most other training techniques, the effectiveness increases when the male does not comply.

When I catch my male staring, I slap his face hard and so quickly he initially doesn't know what's going on. I found that for this training to be effective you must hit quickly, like thunder, so that you can create the "golden moment" of confusion, arousal and fear - after he's started enjoying the sight, but before he's realized what he's actually doing, or the consequences. I love the way he looks at me in complete confusion with a "but what did I do??" look on his face, touching his cheek, then suddenly assumes an "oh my god what have I done" expression. That's the golden moment.

This is not rocket science, ladies. Even young girls know the position of inferiority they can put a male in by creating a sexual urge in him, and later feigning offense/blaming him for his indecency. All we're doing is making the urge irresistible through chastity and opportunistic exposure, and being a bit more severe with the punishment.

A step beyond chastity

We've seen how the "what are you staring at?" principle is useful for recreating in a grown male the "golden moments" typical of the childhood of naturally compliant males. But there are other reasons why this is one of my preferred training methods. Although I state openly that in this type of training the male learns more by disobeying than by obeying, the long-term goal remains - as in any other type of training - that of obtaining perfect compliance.

Thinking of a male in long-term chastity, who out of fear and reverence controls his powerful urges, and chooses to sacrifice and respect my privacy - even as I run around the house scantily clad - by never allowing his eyes to set on any part of my body, turns me on. I think of him looking down to the ground in surrender and abject servitude as he hands me a towel after my shower, or the beverage he's prepared for me and the girls. I think this form of "mental castration" is a step beyond chastity in the sexual control of the male, in that it requires complete and voluntary compliance, and his constant vigilance. Only in this way can his surrender of his sexuality to my whim be complete and genuine.

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